


The letter

by rayrod67



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Robron week 2017 day 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:39:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10036529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayrod67/pseuds/rayrod67
Summary: This is written for Robron week 2017 day 3. You're the boss. I wanted Aaron to have the decision to what he would do with Gordon letter to him. So I rewrote that scene.





	

“What's this, then?” Aaron looked at the letter Robert was holding out to him. “Robert?”

 

“It's em....it's from Gordon.” Robert could feel the weight of the letter increase by a million. His wrist ached with the pressure of holding the envelope up. Aaron's hurt, grief and despair settling with a solid mass on the paper straining his wrist. “Pete ran into him in prison and Gordon gave him the letter to give to you.”

 

Aaron stared at the letter. He was undecided, didn't know if he wanted to read it or just burn it unopened. “Ok.” His voice came out sounding so timid it disgusted him. Made him feel weak and pathetic. Would Gordon always have such a hold and affect over him?

 

“You don't have to read it. You owe that monster nothing.” Robert could see the conflict warring in his young lovers face. “You beat him Aaron. In the end you were stronger.”

 

“Did I? Was I really?” Aaron was no longer sure. “Because right now I am terrified of that envelope.” If he had won, then why was he scared and intimidated by a piece of paper?

 

Robert threw the envelope down on the table. He knelt down in front of his lover pressing his forehead against Aaron's. “Yes you did. He's in prison and you are free. Free from his lecherous presence.”

 

“But I'm not. Because all you did was show me a letter from him and here I am.” Aaron tried to keep the tears back but they were too much. The first tear fell and burned his shame down his cheek. “I turn into a scared little boy.”

  
“There is no shame in feeling that way.” Robert pulled back to stare into Aaron's eyes. “He raped you Aaron.” Robert tried to ignore the shudder and flinch of shame and disgust his words brought to his young lover. “He took your innocence along with your trust. You were a victim, you were a child. You had no way to fight back.”

 

“No....I ...” Aaron took a deep shuddering breath trying to calm himself down. “I could have told someone.”

 

“No he had you totally under his control. You didn't fail Aaron. Sandra did for ignoring the signs.” Robert paused, knowing what he was about to say would upset Aaron more. “Chas did for walking away.”

 

“No.” he said in denial. “She thought.....” Aaron took a long shuddering breath trying to gain control of his emotions. “She thought she was doing what was best for me.”

 

“Maybe. But it turned out to be the worst.” There was plenty of blame to spread around. Sandra, Chas and the rest of the Dingle's all own a share of that. Robert told Aaron as much. There was only one person who had no blame in this and that was Aaron.

 

“Aaron, I don't want you to go back to that dark place. Not when I just got you back.” Robert also knew that it would take more than just him saying that for Aaron to believe. His young lovers demons run deep too deep to be vanquished with just words of reassurance. What Aaron needed was professional help. Something that Robert was hoping to get him to do. But he knew not to force the issue. It had to be Aaron's choice, decision. Aaron had to want the help for himself and not to please anyone else. Robert knew, that right now if he suggested it Aaron would agree but for all the wrong reasons. He would do it for Chas and for Robert. Not for himself and Aaron would end up with more guilt and no progress.

 

Robert clasped his lover's face. “Look at me.” he waited with patience for Aaron to raise his downcast eyes to meet Robert's own. “You don't have to decide anything right now. Think about tonight and tomorrow you can make your decision.”

  
Aaron felt a sense of relief at his lover's words. “I can do that.” he promised. Aaron had so many thoughts flying in his head, mixed with extreme emotions. He experienced anger with white hot rage. How could that man think that he would want to be in the same room with him? He had nothing left to say. All had been said at the trial. All his dirty secrets and disgusting actions laid out in color for all the jury and his family to hear. Fuck him! He owes that bastard nothing.

 

But then the boy Aaron used to be. The one before the rapes. The 7 year old that adored his father, idolized him even. That boy was still inside of Aaron's head as well. Whispering remember when he took us to the beach and we swam and played all day long. Or when he spent the day helping with homework and creating projects around the house just to spend time with you.

 

There laid the root of Aaron's problems. One part of him saw Gordon as the monster he was. The vile lecherous creature that wanted control over him. So Gordon took control by taking away his freedoms. His freedom of consent and ownership of his body. His freedom to trust willingly. His freedom to feel safe with people who are suppose to love and protect him. The freedom to not be raped or to fear his own father.

 

All the things he needed as a child to be a functioning and healthy adult.

 

The other part of him saw Gordon as his loving and attentive father. When his attentions were still that of a parent. Gordon looked upon Aaron as his child and not as his potential lover. The part of him that still believed Gordon loved him and would protect him from the dangers of the world. This part was getting smaller and fading. All this did was cause confusion for Aaron. Confusion and self hatred because a part of him still loved his father.

 

How was he supposed to explain that to Robert or anyone else for that matter? They saw Gordon only as his abuser and rapist. While Aaron still had memories of him as just a loving father.

 

It was all too much to process for one night. Aaron wanted to quiet his mind and just sleep. “I'm going up to bed. Can you tell my mum I too tired for dinner.” Aaron rose from the chair giving the envelope one last look before making his way upstairs. He had just started up the stairs when he felt Robert's hand close around his wrist.

 

“If it's alright I'd like to join you.” Robert told him.

 

Aaron smiled and nodded. “I'd like that too.” Aaron walked up the stairs his lover right behind him.

 

*********************************************************************************************

 

_Midnight_

 

Aaron had laid in bed contentedly wrapped in Robert's loving embrace. For all the comfort his lover brought, he could not stop thinking, about the envelope lying on the table downstairs. Carefully as he could he unwrapped Robert's arm from around him and slid out of bed. Heart pounding loudly in his chest he made his way downstairs. The envelope was still on the table right where Robert had dropped it.

 

Aaron could feel his body tremble with fear as he neared the table. “This is ridiculous. It's just a letter.” he berated himself. But all too soon he reached the table and sat down on the chair. He stared at the innocuous letter. Aaron found himself transfixed on the damn thing.

 

_What did he thing Gordon wrote? All the answers to the worlds greatest mysteries?_

 

_Apologies for ruining him. For turning him into some poster boy for man pain? Or perhaps blame him for not being good enough? For not being able to behave? For not being able to fight him off? For allowing that fucker to rape him...over and over again._

 

_Did it really matter what the letter holds? Do you really want to read what he has to say? Even if he said he was sorry, what good does that do you now?_

 

_It doesn't. Sorry is meaningless. Because you know that Gordon doesn't mean it. He had his chance to come clean at the trial and even before then. But he didn't did he? No. Because he was still looking to put blame on someone else. On you._

 

It was then that Aaron realized that he wanted nor needed anything from Gordon. No apologies no explanations. Because really what could he possibly say that would make what he did okay?

 

No he has a father in Paddy. Fracture though their relationship is. It can and will be mended. Aaron will make sure of that. So what could Gordon want or wish to accomplish?

 

Gordon has only one interest in mind...... His own. What ever he put to words in that letter was only for Aaron to help Gordon. “Gordon can go to hell.” Aaron grabbed the letter walked over to kitchen. Opening the drawer he pulled out a lighter. Holding the letter over the sink he flicked the lighter and held the flame to the corner of the envelope.

 

Aaron watched as Gordon's unknown pleas and words began to burn. Only when he felt the heat of the flame touch his fingers did he drop the envelope in the sink. Aaron watched all the lies and sorrys turn to ash. He watched it burn away into nothing. Like Gordon was now to him....nothing.

 

 

There was nothing that Gordon could say that would put Aaron's mind at ease or silence his demons. Gordon had always been good at manipulating people especially his own son.

 

Aaron knew that he would sleep just fine tonight. Because tonight he took his first major step in getting control over his life and it felt good.

 

For too long he let Gordon have control over his life. His anger and rage were not even his. His self denial about his homosexuality, not his. The act of sex between two men brought fear and disgust to him. The act represented the violence of being forced. His self hatred a product of his father telling him he was too much trouble. To hard to love. That's why his mother left him. Only Gordon loved him. All those fears , guilt, self denial and self hatred everyone of those were Gordon's forced on an 8 year old boy. Born on the night his father first raped him.

 

Tonight he would make a choice not based on his past. From here all his choices and decisions would be about his future. The one he had with Robert and Liv. His first choice would be to seek out professional help. Aaron would not be able to move past or forward without help.

  
All that was left of the envelope was ashes at the bottom of the sink. With a flick of his wrist Aaron turned the water on and the ashes flowed down the drain. Any hold Gordon had on Aaron washed away with the ashes. Flowing out into the sewer to meld with all the other waste leaving Aaron clean and free.

 

Robert had watched Aaron from the door way. He knew the letter from Gordon would cause turmoil for his lover so he had feigned sleep. Robert remained awake, on guard in case he was needed. When he felt the young man leave their bed he waited several long minutes before silently following. He crept down the staircase and watched from the doorway. His young lover so engrossed in the letter that he hadn't noticed his audience. Robert was silent and kept a watchful eyes on the young man. He saw on Aaron's expressive face all the emotions the young man felt.

 

Robert knew that Aaron would not ask for help. But he knew that Aaron would accept help if offered; from Robert at least. But Aaron still had issues with asking for help no matter how desperately he needed it.

 

He would rather fall on his face then burden someone else by asking for their help. His young lover was noble but also self sacrificing. Which would lead to self harming. So as ever Robert kept watch.

 

Robert smiled broadly when he saw Aaron burn the letter. That was Robert's first instinct. There is nothing that Aaron needs to hear from Gordon. The man lived to torment his son with lies.

 

Aaron never ceased to amaze Robert. The inner strength the lad possessed was truly remarkable. Everyone who knew what Aaron had been through could see it without fail. The only one who doubted Aaron was Aaron himself. But tonight Robert sensed that things had finally turned. He hoped so because if anyone deserves to be happy it is Aaron Dingle.

 

Robert vowed to make sure that happened.

 

 

 

 


End file.
